Clairvoyance arrives to me first with a scent of dew. Fresh oxygen from the earth shocks the system awake. A bright and brilliant sunshine lights the path. It’s quite brisk on the morn of Late Spring. I see a reflection of myself through a droplet resting atop a pedal. I lay for a moment and take in a deep breath in. The storms leave water dripping from the leaves around me. Each drop reminds me of the long path we’ve been navigating. My legs are tired even after a restful night, I think to myself, “Do you really have the stamina?”. “To get my heart out of the hell and my mind out of this jail”. I know that regardless of the answer I must rise and march forth. It doesn’t matter if I think I can, what matters is that I must. I take account of the mission, “I just want to be a real boy”. Realization hits as I begin to rise, I’m still alone on this path, “Noone right beside me“. But instead of dread, I feel optimism, “the wise man say, you’ll find your way”.
I stand in the grass where I just lay and, strangely, feel myself standing a fraction taller than normal. Something has changed, I can’t put my finger on it, perhaps my dream from the night before gave me a newfound confidence to continue down this long and winding road? “Keep all your dreams, keep standing tall”. I feel strong. Like what I have gone through has hardened me, given me strength to carry on. “If you are strong you cannot fall”. The fog of the morning still drifts through the trees, the memory of last night’s vision comes to me once more, it says: “there is more out there, and somebody cares, about you.”
Instead of taking off down the road I roam around my resting place, meandering in small figure eights. Gliding on the slippery grass. Somehow the traction on my shoes has kept me stable through the storms and the wet road. “Like the earth, I’m steady”. The tread has eroded and left behind shards, yet they continue to protect me from the sharp and hazardous conditions on this winding road. They’ve helped me get so far, but I’m uncertain how much further they’ll take me. “all I know is that I’m grateful” these protections afforded me the ability to make it past the worst of the trail, and I think it’s time to shed a bit of weight, start really feeling the Journey, start taking more risks, stop coddling. The comfort of days past won’t get me to where I wish to go from here, “Moving on, yeah I’m moving on.” I untie my shoes and release my feet from the comfort and protection. Looking to the sky, and with a rush of confidence and a touch of trepidation, I heave my shoes into the air. “I’m gonna throw you back into the galaxy.” They catch upon a branch and hang there, dangling above the road. An unconventional blaze upon the trail that now marks the transition from repair, recover and rebirth. To a time of growth, unencumbered by the challenges of the past, nor the risks of the future. I take my first steps onward without protection, head held high. Inner peace and an undying belief in my own success guides me forward. “Willing and able, I stay faithful” With a spirit of determination I Keep Moving Forward.
My bare feet are fragile for the first few moments of the journey. I hope that they will be able to callus where necessary, yet retain the ability to feel the road conditions. Their shoeless step feels powerful, natural. I recognize that I am no longer leaving behind rubber on the road, instead the road is rubbing off onto me. Some part of me feels the world is appreciative of this decision I’ve made. The strength it brings me pulls my shoulders back, raises my chest and focuses my eyes forward. “Wherever we are you can feel the prowess.” Something tells me that the new me I am crafting will be undeniably great. I look within and tell myself, ‘of course I’m great’. “When we move, we make the world wonderful”
**Okay a break from the story-telling for a moment. I found this next album one day whilst walking down the street looking for new music. Gemini put me onto this artist and the amount of times I’ve gone through this whole album is actually ridiculous. It may just be my favorite rap album ever. The production and lyricism is incredibly powerful. Thank you Danger Mouse and Black Thought for your help through Spring. Your sound has been there during each minor setback and each glimmer of hope. It has helped me through it all.**
For a moment along the trail, my feet feel indifferent to the imperfections of the trail. “It’s real when you done lost your last feeling”. “Premonition of intuition is a bitch, got a message from the heavens, all it said is to resist” so I bend over, touch my hands to the road and acknowledge it hasn’t gotten any less bumpy, I have just gotten more accustomed to it. “Fuck a thick skin, I got me a exoskeleton”. This must be the callousness I was hoping to develop, but I am glad to know I can still allow myself to feel.
After a day of travel without the comfort and protection of my previous footwear, night sets in. The sun setting triggers a though of introspection, just as the day has its moments of shade and shadow, and night can set in to blend them all to a single darkness, so too do I have darkness within me. Though I wish not for this darkness to exist, it does, and I must take heed to not allow it to grow. “Shine the light into the darkest part of me“. “Inside of my confessional, I decompress alone” This darkness won’t keep me from growing, but it might take me off track, where my feet won’t be prepared for what might be stepped upon. This newfound fear sits in me as I lay to rest for the night. Overnight dreams enlighten me to what the darkness truly is. “I take day as a blessing and see the night as a lesson. Twilight is a message for me to write a confession”. “I rise with every morning and star in another saga.” When I awaken, clarity brings me quickly to my feet. “From other women, I’m a glutton, I can’t run from who I become”. Instead of avoiding the issue, I work to overcome it. This won’t stop me from achieving my own greatness. “I won’t stop, won’t drop, won’t retire”, “Don’t stop, nope, I don’t quit. Yo, I don’t stop, yo, I don’t quit”.
Daybreak occurs as I am already pushing ahead. It brings new opportunities I wasn’t prepared for. Along the path there is a boy looking confused. Is he me? Perhaps a younger version of myself. There’s a moment I question what to do, but I realize something, “I was born to bе a teacher. Whether scorpion or the frog, the nature of the creature is to evolve, though it’s the savage beast we truly are”. I waste no time taking this opportunity to teach myself what my future holds. He is no more a boy than I, a moment of intuition strikes, I am the future, he is me. The cycles of life have overlapped. When such an event occurs, take no time to question it. “If the vehicle should swerve, learn to lean into the curve.” I impart all the strength and insight I can whilst I have the chance. But he is not along the same path as I, he has much more to learn before then. So I continue on my own Journey, I wish him best, and pray he learns quicker than I. “Even non-believers make prayers.” “All you tryna see is someplace with less sufferin.”
This day hasn’t yet delivered all of its new opportunities. My soul is strong, but has yet to be put to the test. Here comes the test. Along the trail the distractions begin to creep out. Temptation grows within me like I feared. The darkness grows. It seems harmless at first, but I know better. “Ulterior motives begin pure as a lotus”. It takes incredible strength to reject the repeated temptations. I do my best to keep looking forward but the darkness within me is fighting back. This is the part where I have to make a choice.
The answer to my darkness dilemma becomes obvious. What would the boy wish I do? The answer I hear in response comes in loud and clear, “taking care of me, I don’t need a damn thing.” So that’s what I do. I reject the distractions with vigor. “People be so phony, that’s why I be on my lonely.” Where I’m going, I can’t afford to waste any more time and energy on distractions. “My energy is priceless.” Our Energy is Priceless