Alrighty, we’re back with another Record and Review. This past week I’ve been focusing on minimizing my filler words, specifically, “you know” and “but, um”. It’s funny because I’ve been so much more cognizant of the instances when I say either of those, and others, it’s been almost annoying. I’m kinda glad I’m getting so annoyed by it, because it gives me more fuel to rid them from my speech. After recording this week’s I still said that a few times, so we are going to run it back this next week and focus on filler word removal once again.
I do also want to recognize that I am doing a fairly decent job with hand motions. But need to also think about my eye contact. This is of course a camera recording me, but I really want to start looking at the camera and pretending it is a person. Over the past week I’ve spoken with a number of strangers and the hardest park was actually looking at them. Talking to them was coming fairly easy, but looking at them, for some reason, is harder. I know why, but we gotta get over that.
Two thoughts. First, I’ve come to appreciate that some gears in my brain don’t turn the same direction as they do in others’. Something I’ve noticed is that I’ll latch onto certain songs for spans of time then play them non-stop, day after day, until a new song takes it’s place. Every so often, multiple songs will be in rotation. Second, those spans of time are like seasons of my soul. From Winter to Spring, Spring to Summer, Summer to Autumn, and Autumn to Winter. My life will cycle through ups and downs. These songs play a score of those seasons. Right now, its early Spring. It’s raining, but warming up. The Winter we just left was a particularly dark and cold one, but the promise of a bright Summer full of flourishing flowers keeps moving me forward. “I’m not going to let myself down.”
These are the songs of the season, definitely in a most particular order…
First Song of the Season
Another Star by Stevie Wonder. Winter chill remains. Stevie is a well know lover boy, but this one strays away from his usual ballads and touches on a topic unfortunately dear to me this Spring. “For you, there might be another star. For you, there might be another song. For you, love might be for you to find. But I will celebrate ourlove of yesterday.”
Second Songs
Runaway by Del Shannon and Runaway by Kanye West. Storms are rolling in, rain and thunder on the horizon. These share a title, and a story, but told from two separate perspectives. The coin is the same, but every time you flip it, the result is heads or tails. “Tears are falling and I feel a pain. I wonder… Why?” “I don’t know how I’ll manage, if one day you just up and leave.” “I think it’s time for usto have a toast.”
Third Song of the Season
Forgive Them Father by Lauryn Hill. As the violins of Runaway’s outro play, storms violently ravage the soul. Forgive Them Father is the storm breaking, grounds flooded, trees snapped by lightening strike. Air warmed by the first sign of sunlight. Spring follows Winter, destruction begets growth. “And you never suppose it’s those who are closest to you.” “Everyday people, they lie to God too. So, what makes you think, that they won’t lie to you?”
Forth and Final Song of the Season
Walkin by Denzel Curry. As the sun continues to warm the ground, shades of green show the first sign of new life. Growth is no longer a hope on the horizon, it’s here. So long as time moves on, as it always will, the flowers of Spring will sprout anew. “Walking with my back to the sun, keep my head to the sky” “I’m killing off my demons because my soul’s worth redeeming.” “Went through a lot of shit in the last year, then I said fuck it, I’m going to handle my business” “Ijust got to stay focused, I just got to keep walking.”
Take a moment right now to stop what you are doing and look around. Notice anything special? It might be a person or pet that you love, it may be the leaves on the trees or the flowers in the meadow. Listen in too, what do you hear? Can you hear the sound of cars? Perhaps an airplane passing overhead? Is the neighbor out mowing their lawn again for the second time this week? What about touch? Are you holding onto something? Is it smooth or coarse? Warm or cold? What’s it made out of, plastic, metal, flesh? Have you got something to eat or drink? Have some. What does it taste like? Is it pleasant, sweet, perhaps savory? Or does it kick with sour or bitterness? Did you smell it as you brought it to your mouth? Was it agreeable to your senses? Was there balance, or did a particular sense overwhelm the others? Which did you like most, which was most powerful, most compelling?
One of my favorite ice breaker questions is what sense do you find most compelling? Often, people will ask, which is your favorite, or which could you live without. Those are good too. But specifically I want to know which do you find moves you the most inside? Which triggers the strongest reaction. Either good or bad, which sense will make you cry, or smile, most often. Tell me, do you even pay attention until that stimulus registers?
Be Mindful
We spend most of our lives not acknowledging how these things make us feel. We live with constant stimuli arousing and assaulting our senses that so often, we pay them no mind. How unfortunate. They are so special, they deserve more recognition. There was a poster outside of my high school phycology classroom that read “Pay attention to the details”. I never really understood exactly what that meant, not until I was older. My girlfriend in university would always tell me, “stop and smell the flowers”. I love flowers, they’re soft, vibrant, aromatic. Yet, do I stop for each flower I see along the way? No. Why not? Am I too busy, in a hurry for what? Life’s too short to stop and smell all the flowers. But is it? You really don’t even know how short it is until it’s nearly gone anyway. I think, and hear me out on this, I think it’s the opposite. Life is too long not to smell the flowers. Too long not to feel the breeze. I choose to cherish every moment my bare feet step in the sand along the oceanside. Appreciate each and every chirp coming from the birds resting in the tree that shades me temporarily from the suns’ deadly rays. Because life is too long not to pay attention to the details.
Feelings are Truth
We waste so much of our time here on earth doing worthless shit. The complicated nature of humanity has taken away so much of the beauty of life. The system we’ve built will distract you from the truth. The truth that all that is truly real is what you feel. What your senses tell you. What your emotions are signaling to you. That which is so often ignored by adults in our society. How does it make you feel? Do you even know what you feel? I noticed I had that problem a year or two back. I would become emotional and not have a clue what emotion, or really even why. They don’t really teach that shit in school, so how was I supposed to learn? Silly James, Trix are for kids, and most of your learning takes place outside the walls of an institution. I had a teacher recently help me get closer to the truth. Get closer to my feelings. Understand them, appreciate them. Live with them. Not to hide them or hide from them, but to feel them.
James’ Dresser
I built a catalog of these emotions, a diagram that I could lean on to help me map them out. It was something I created, so in a way, it’s my version of Inside Out. It contains all the emotions I know within me as drawers in a dresser. Sometimes when I’m feeling emotional, I open up this drawing and pull out one of those drawers and allow myself to feel that emotion. I will embrace it for a moment, allow it to flush through my system. Then, when I feel like I’ve had enough, I’ll close it. This has allowed me to know what I am feeling, to become more familiar with my body’s response to each emotion.
Know What and Why You Feel
Are you ever uncomfortable? So emotional that you can’t function. That’s not something to be upset about, be fearful of, or pin as wrong in any way. In fact, that’s good. It means you’re still alive. The problem is when you don’t know why you are feeling that way. The emotion isn’t the issue, its the fact that you don’t know what the emotion is, or why you’re feeling it. Take it as a lesson from me, if you may, to build out your catalog. There’s been research and great study into the diverse range of emotions that we humans feel, start there. And learn what signs point in which direction for you when a particular feeling intensifies. Only then should you worry about what to do about them.
What to Do
As far as what to do about them goes, start by believing they’re real. That they deserve your time. That other people experience them as well, and that it is what connects us all as a people. If you don’t like that you are uncomfortable, seek comfort. If you don’t know what what comforts you, figure it out. The next time you feel comfortable, take note. Everybody finds different stimuli appealing, so don’t just listen to what others say helps them, find your own balance. For me, it’s silence, a cool breeze, the sound of my own footsteps beneath me, and a beautiful view. See you on the mountaintop.
Recently, I’ve been thinking about how I communicate. Am I an effective communicator? One thing I’ve noticed is that when I speak, others listen. That is something I’ve notice for a while, but never taken great advantage of. Something tells me that I have a talent that I’ve not fully embraced. An untrained muscle that has perhaps atrophied. Or even worse, been trained incorrectly. Today, and with this post, I start the process of training that muscle better. More consciously addressing my inefficiencies and opportunities to improve. A few days back I listened to a podcast with a vocal coach recommending that if others wanted to improve their speech patterns they should record and review themselves to identify those antipatterns. Here is my first edition of what will become a weekly video log of myself discussing small topics of importance to me. It will count not only as a post on my psyche, but I will be using it to analyze and conquer some of the vocal patterns I wish to grow out of, and even a few to grow in to. (Think filler words removal, introduction of pausing, voice inflection, volume modification, hand gestures, that tight type of ish). I will document what I focused on improving in each weekly post, you can tell me how I’ve done.
In this video I discuss a song that was recommended to me.
Also, here’s my rendition of Being Alive if you want to bleed out of your ears. Caution, bad, terribly bad, singing. I do not intend on getting better at that, just thought fuck it, why not post this too.
Living is hard, I think we all know that. But do you want to know what’s harder? Living with the knowledge that everybody else is living, and that they are having it just as hard. When I was a young boy in the late years of elementary school I found myself reading the newspaper, eating my cheerios or eggs in the morning. First off, what the hell was a 12 year old doing reading the newspaper, second off, newspaper? Do we all still remember what that is? Anyway, would you like to know what section I was reading? It wasn’t the Classifieds or the Periodicals, it was the World News section. I’d sit there pondering the impacts of the Iraq War or the implications of the appending global financial crisis. Let me remind you, I was a pre-teen concerning himself with the lives of others in a way I don’t imagine many adults even do. Why? Did I really care about those peoples’ lives? To be honest, I’m not quite sure. What I do know is that the world was opening up to everybody with the appending proliferation of social media and internet-ification of everything. And I was paying attention, listening, reading, trying to understand what was about to happen, or was already happening, to people all over the world. I’m not sure it was a good idea. What I learned wasn’t to my enjoyment. I learned very quickly that the world is a tremendously complicated and challenging arena. All over, people are hustling and many-a-time, struggling for their lives. It hurt me to learn this, it hurt to read. When I got access to the internet only a few years later, my eyes were opened even wider to the truth. People can be cruel, the society we live in is ruthless. Those Disney movies were fucking lying to me. I didn’t know it then, but I started building coping mechanisms to counter the internalization of others’ pain. One way in which this happened was the selectiveness for which I touched others. Physical contact made it real. The closer I got to people the more I realized their pain, I felt it. So my best course of action was to stay distant.
I Couldn’t Handle It
Do you know what an NPC is? If you don’t, good for you, you must not have spent your life engrossed in video games like I have. It stands for Non-Player Character and it is a term given to the programmed characters you interact with in whilst you work your way through the in game missions. They give you quests, they accompany you on the story line, and often times, they exist in the game solely to interact with you. I feel like I’ve spent a good chunk of my life pretending that I’m the main character in a video game, and everybody else is an NPC. It’s a meme you’ll see on reddit or other semi-deplorable internet forums that people walking down the street, minding their own business, are “NPCs”. It gives “I’m the main character” kind of vibes. For most people I think they do this subconsciously, live their lives with little consideration for others. I think I’ve done this consciously. I have a hard time looking at people. I have a hard time talking to people. I have an incredibly hard time having physical contact with people. This all comes down to the simple fact that the closer I get, the more I realize that they are real. I can’t handle that fact. Not because I’ve got some weird complex, but because it’s overwhelming. The weight of realization of an individual’s balance along the tightrope of life gives me unbearable anxiety. I can realistically only handle being close with a couple of people in my life. I’m not sure if that makes me selfish or shallow, but I know it makes me sad. I wish I could connect more with people without this anxiety crippling me so.
What Can I Do?
I see people all around me making friends and being jolly with each other and I can’t relate. I prefer to be alone, unbothered, unconcerned. I honestly don’t understand how people can maintain so many friendships without bearing a burden of the uncomfortable realization that the other person is real. The depth of a human being is deep. I don’t like swimming in water I can’t see or touch the bottom of. I’m the same way with people, and I can only hold my breath for so long. How can I overcome this trained avoidance? What steps do I take to rethink and reprogram the way that I am. To feel more comfortable accepting the burden of others company? I’m not sure just yet. I’ve started looking at people in the face when I walk by them on the trail. I’ve begun having conversations with strangers in the park to give me exposure therapy. I’ve gone so far as to find places that people go to, and be present in those places, so that I can have the opportunity to interact with another human. I know this may sound totally strange to any normal person, but I’m certainly not one of those. To me, this is a challenge I give myself. To face my fear of interaction. I want to help people, but I don’t want to feel their pain? That’s not fair. And I know life is not all pain and suffering, I’m working on seeing the good and the bad. But I can’t look past the bad yet, I’ve got to look it right in the eye. I need to stop being afraid. Life is worth living, unafraid. Perhaps the perspective that I should take is that these people can help me carry the burden… Together, we all live, suffer, thrive…
For the past couple of weeks I’ve been working to better understand myself, specifically around my conceptualization of what a person is worth. When I was very young, one of my first profound thoughts was, “What is anything worth?”, “How can water be free from a faucet, yet alcohol $100 a bottle?” Of course, back then I had no idea just how tantalizing a great scotch is, nor did I fully appreciate the societal need to get blasted on the reg to cover up pain and internal struggle. Anyway… recently I’ve been revisiting this idea, but honing it specifically on what is a human’s worth. How do we derive value in life? This hasn’t been the first time I’ve dueled with this thought, and I’m sure it won’t be the last. It changes so often over our lives that no single answer is correct, no point in time assessment gives justice to the question.
What my problem is now, is that I’m wrong about what I believe is the answer. Okay, I might not be wrong per se, but I’m not right, at least not completely. Currently, my brain says to myself, “your value is determined upon the utility you bring to this earth”. Essentially, how well you serve yourself and others is how valuable you are. My therapist says this is a dangerous way to value a life exclusively… she’s right. After all, who am I aiming to please? My employer? God? Like, what a silly thought that MY value is actually determined from another’s perspective of me, or my contributions.
Aside
As an aside, one concept that I’ve unfortunately ingrained into my head is that my failures define who I am. On the flip side, for some reason, my successes don’t. Hmm. I think it’s pretty obvious something is wrong about that, probably a couple of things. First, your successes mean something. Second, your failures and successes are not you. You are not your failures nor are you your successes. They are simply something that occurs. You may have caused them, or maybe not, but either way, they are not your personality. They don’t define your being any more than the job you have at the moment. “You’re not your fucking Khakis”. So what are you? What are you worth? What is your worth?
Think
I’ve spoken to a number of my “people” and we’ve gone back and forth between what they think, what I think, and what could be. I’ve learned through these conversations that my current position is not the entire picture I ought to be looking at. What I thought before about the utility of man is maybe just half the equation. I was stuck in an extrinsic-exclusive mentality. Judging one solely on their output pays no mind to the input, nor the black box of themselves much at all. Shit, I might as well have only been looking at a third of the equation. So what about the inputs and black box then? How do we grade those to get a fuller picture of an individual’s value?
Behind door number 1, the inputs. I read a quote recently from a lovely book (review landing shortly). “People who have experienced deep suffering and are still gentle with others do not get enough credit”. Some people have it so damn easy in life, and they treat people like shit, or output nothing of great utility. Others will endure the most horrendous hardships, be born with debilitating ailments, be disadvantaged beyond comprehension, yet still achieve fantastic outcomes in life. I mean, some of the greatest people in our generation have been disadvantaged with poverty, abuse, or disability, yet still deliver undeniable beauty in art, sport, engineering or business. Doesn’t that stand for something? Shouldn’t that mean something in terms of their value? I’d wager it means their worth is even greater. To start from negative and go to positive? That’s value. It’s not easy to measure, but it could possibly be named: Determination? Will-power? Something like that, I guess. The end to end change one creates in themselves and others cannot be overlooked. What should we call this derivative of a person’s life, the change in value? I’d rather not get all mathematician up in here and give it an exponent, but rather choose a name. Growth?
What about door number 2? The black box, what’s behind door number 2? A BRAND NEW CAR!!! No. It’s actually better. It’s the machine behind the curtain, the motive behind the man. It’s the drive. The love, passion, curiosity, and wholesomeness of the person. Can you tell by talking to somebody for a few minutes whether or not they have a golden soul? Maybe you can tell within a few breaths. You watch someone as they yield right of way on the road to a pedestrian, give up their seat on the tram to the pregnant woman or elderly. Manners maketh man, but I’m not just talking about manners. I’m talking about the pureness of one’s self. Are you a good person? I’d like to think most people would say yes to that question. But how good of a person are you? Have you wronged others before, have you made those wrongs right again? Not easy to define objectively, is it? Even harder then inputs and outputs I reckon. Without a doubt, though, there is a spectrum of good and bad people. I don’t really love using the terms good and bad in this context, but simplicity in my heart says those words work just fine. Other words like pure or wholesome just don’t cut it for me right now. TBD on a better word for this spectrum. Intrinsic value may just be it.
Think Forward
Intrinsic value doesn’t require another person’s judgement. It doesn’t rely on what you do or what has happened to you. Each person in this world gets to chose how they are. With actions and words they can show others. But, their internal holiness is untouchable. Immeasurable by most standards. “I’m going to show you how great I am”, Ali said it best. You are great, and it shows, not the other way around. “You get what you get and you don’t throw a fit”, what should I throw instead? Only you decide that. How great are you? How great am I? What’s my value? I’ll throw wisdom, appreciation, love. Because after all is said and done, I choose to be better and to make the world a better place, regardless of what get’s thrown at me.
Things have changed though, many, many things. I’ve moved into an apartment in San Francisco, started work for Uber ATG, and fell in love with Julia. Just to name a few. These changes mark the beginning of a new chapter of my life: phase two of my crazy plan to change the world. It feels good to transition into the next stage of my life, yet I know with change comes challenge. During the transition I have absolutely neglected my blog. I apologize for the lack of posts in the recent months. Adjusting to a new habitat is a long and arduous process for me. Luckily, as I count my third month of moving to San Francisco I have decidedly settled in and staring getting in a routine. There are still a few adjustments I need to make to my day-to-day, like going to the gym consistently, but over all I am comfortable. Every morning I wake up excited to go to work and every evening I am excited to go home. Not to say I don’t love my work, I couldn’t be more in love, I just love working on me as well. Sadly though, I haven’t been spending my end of days very wisely these past few months. Going forward I plan on changing that. I will have days dedicated to certain goals. Whether it’s researching about my potential PhD, reading about technology, or diving deep into a current ethical issue.
My goal is to be busy all day every day, doing productive work that I love. So expect to see a higher frequency of posts from me in the future!
“The deepest urge in human nature is the desire to feel important” – John Dewey
Do you believe him? The early 20th century philosopher wasn’t the only one to recognize the deepest desires of man center around the feeling of importance. But it begs the question, how does one achieve the satisfaction of this urge? I wager most people would give an answer like work or family as how they derive their feeling of importance. However, I’d say they are missing a fundamental truth. One does not need the gratification of others to obtain a feeling of importance. Similar to self regulated feelings of success, individuals can tell when they are important without hearing any affirmation from others.
Every person derives happiness and importance in different ways. Like I said in my life mission video, the meaning of life is subjective for the individual and objective for society. Yet so many people don’t have a good understanding of what their why is. Simon Sinek gave a really good TED talk about how the greatest organizations are successful because they start with their why. But it works for people too. Most people are often distracted with the less important vagaries of life. So distracted that they never clearly define their reason for living, their why.
Many videos on the internet talk about how to find your life purpose, but never give practical advice. This post provides a practical way to discover your why and transition to a more purposeful life.
Another important question is: Can someone live their life happily without fulfilling this urge to feel important? My argument is, not for long. Two major emotions keep us alive, hope and fear. The hope for a better life and the fear of death. The moment you stop fearing death and don’t have any hope for a better future, suicide is fair game. I’ve been there, I know how it feels. Hope is a far reach when you don’t feel productive, don’t feel like you’re making a difference, don’t feel important. So without fulfilling this desire to be important, you open up the doors to a life void of hope.
I haven’t met a person yet that hasn’t been forced to struggle at some point in there life. No person I know hasn’t had doubts about their future, and many have been through very similar states as mine. However, from what I can tell, one needs to experience this sort of emotional low in order to make a pivotal realization. Keep living and fight for importance, or die/live in sorrow and complacency.
In this post I will highlight how to turn this realization into action, using my own personal story as an example. Navigating this transition is a very personal endeavor, there are many ways to do it, but this one is mine. The post will be split up into Pre-Transition, Transition, and Post-Transition. At the end I will conclude with some final tips for success and words of encouragement.
Pre-Transition: The Storm Before the Calm
There are usually only a choice few occasions that will arise in one’s life allowing for a real shift in mentality. If the individual doesn’t recognize these opportunities, or is not ready to make a change, they miss their chance to springboard themselves forward into purposeful happiness. So let me explain what the opportunity looks like so you won’t miss it.
First off, age doesn’t really matter. Generally, the sooner the better because if you are living a life without directive, you’ll end up like the 49 year old taco bell cashier I meet in Pittsburgh.
Before I go any further I want to provide a disclaimer, not every person needs to want to kill themselves in order to make a healthy transition. I hope nobody has to go through that feeling. Here’s what classifies an opportunity to revolutionize one’s life:
An unavoidable life obstacle that challenges an individuals core beliefs or fundamental principles.
A lot more fear than hope. The less hope, the better the opportunity to change. If hope is a gauge on your vehicle of life, the low light better be on.
That last bit of hope must be a deeply rooted desire to have a better life. One must have that sole hope in order to grow it into a fully flourished motivation.
With just those three requirements any person can turn a hardship into a catalyst for incredible change. Without the first, there is no need. Without the second, there is no desire. Without the third, there is nowhere to begin.
If there is truly no hope left, I urge you to think about your whole life and what is left to live. Think of all the potential you can have in one day’s time, the lives you could change with so little of your effort and time. Then realize you can have many more days if you make a change now.
If all three of these factors are at play, don’t let the opportunity pass without taking it, you may never have the chance again.
For me, at 21, I went through an incredibly powerful depression for many months. I was about to graduate college with no idea what I really wanted to do. I lost the person I was closest to because of my self hatred. I became an alcoholic, and became reliant on drugs to distract me from the truth. The truth that I was loosing hope. I was lucky, others still believed in me, but I was dwindling day after day. On the brink of suicide I realized my opportunity. Young, full of potential, I could be whomever I wanted to be. So I put into motion a grand plan, to transition myself into adulthood and a happier, more purposeful life. With help, I recognized the root of my depression, and fought tremendously to repair my mental. And I still fight every day, because as you’ll soon hear, you must never stop trying.
Transition: Navigation
Once you recognize your opportunity is here and you are ready for a change, waste no time, make a plan.
Write your feelings down, this is an absolute must. Not only to document your transition, but to remind yourself daily of why you are moving forward. Get a book, a composition book, or a journal, whatever suits you best. Name it, not some human or pet name, name it something inspiring, something you want to remind yourself every time you see it. I named mine, “Never Stop Trying”, but you need to make it personal. Something like “Feel” or “Be Strong”, ya feel me?
This book represents your new life. It will always be on you, and will go wherever you go. Take it work, the gym, parties, I don’t care. You will need it at the most random times to remind yourself why this part of your life is so important.
The book will be split into three main sections; Principles, Goals, and Objectives. How you order it is up to you, but let me explain what belongs in each section.
My principles are in the back, they are broken up into four very important sections, which I consider the basic set every person should have. Desires, Needs, Values, and Passions. Each is a numbered list of emotions, concepts and items I feel belong in that category.
Desires: What do you want from this Earth, yourself and others? Needs: What do you need from this Earth, yourself, and others? (I have another right after called material necessities where I list every thing that I need, it’s helpful to not be cluttered during this process) Values: What do you love about this Earth, yourself, and others. Passions: Why do you choose to keep living on this Earth?
Writing these down in list format will give you a physical reminder of what you want out of life. Everything that you write down should be from your own thought, don’t write something down that you’re not super confident in. Each list should be on its own separate page, and I would recommend leaving space in-between them in case your list flows onto the next page.
Some overlap between lists is alright. For instance: Love is number one on both my lists for desires and values.
What goes in the list can be either broad concepts like love or specific items like bubblegum. Always remember these lists define your core principles in life, be explicit. As mentioned, break up needs into material and meta so you can differentiate.
I strongly recommend being alone for this initial process. Give yourself some time to think clearly, creatively, and critically on these topics and fill up the pages with as many things as possible. On the other hand, don’t feel bad if your list doesn’t fill the page. Some of my sections only had 5 things listed for a while. You will continually update these lists and add more whenever you need to. And you better write down this book as a need haha.
Once you run out of ideas for additions to your lists on the first run, look them over. Read them and know them, after all, they are you. When you realize another, take a second to write it down. Waste no time, stop whatever you’re doing and put it in the book. The sooner it’s in the book the sooner you can implement it into your goals.
That’s right, you’re going to need to make goals. At least a rough plan on where you want to be in the future. I suggest planning it out as specifically as possible for 5 years down the road, then more general 10-15 years out. Each page in your goals section should be a period of time amounting to a few months all the way to a few years. These time periods are big chunks in your life that will present novel and challenging obstacles to overcome.
I’ll talk about the third section in the post transition phase, because that section grows by the day.
Overall, the initial transition shouldn’t take too long, less than a week I’d say. Of course, you’re not totally in the clear yet, but at this point you should have a good understanding of the general direction you want your life to go. The rest of the transition will include you working toward these goals, keeping in mind the principles you defined for yourself.
Post-Transition: Grinding
The last section will hold the bulk space of the book because you’ll be writing in it everyday. This is where you will write incremental goals on a daily basis. These objectives can be completed in a shorter time frame, and after completion you can cross them off. Think of a running TODO list. Each morning I write down what I want to accomplish that day and think about how that will help me realize my main goal. Another approach to this is utilizing this section as a sort of diary. I don’t think this is as functional since it doesn’t require you to be explicit with your daily intentions. So I would recommend my methodology, but remember to make it your own.
If fitness is one of your desires, take a page or two to create a workout regime. If health is one, take a page to plan out meals for a week. If it’s financial integrity, create a budget. See what I’m saying? This is where the action takes place. Take your principles and goals and create actionable objectives to realize them.
Don’t bullshit this, seriously. Nothing in this book should be a joke or not sincere, don’t lie to yourself let alone others.
Your thought process for this section should be, “What do I want to accomplish today and how will it help me move towards accomplishing my main goals?”
Try and hold yourself accountable, not only for writing in it everyday, but also for finishing the tasks you set for yourself. If you don’t accomplish all your objectives for the day, make sure they are at the top of the list for the next day. If an objective slips for more than a few days, reconsider its importance. What greater goal are you holding up by not doing this smaller one? Is it completely necessary? How can you break it down into smaller goals so you can better track your progress? These sorts of questions can aide you in understanding why you wrote it down in the first place and can help you move forward and accomplish them. For instance, writing down something like “apply for jobs” is futile, make it something like “apply to 5 companies”. SMART goals people.
It’s okay to miss a few days here and there. I encourage taking a few breaks as long as you are doing something you value. Try and limit this though, especially in the beginning. We are trying to build a habit, consistency is of utter importance. The more routine you make your life, the easier it’ll be.
I also use this section to take notes on major events in my life. Try not to clutter this section, but it’s all yours, so do what you want with it. And always do what makes you happy, that’s the goal of this all, so keep it in mind.
Conclusion: Tips and Closing Remarks
Just because you’ve passed the transition, it doesn’t mean you’re in the clear. As you write down goals recognize that each of them will require great strength to complete. Many more hardships are yet to be faced, many will be unplanned. Your general trend will be towards a happier life, but it will still have ups and downs always.
If you catch yourself slipping, not writing in the book daily or not feeling much better, go back through your goals and principles and remind yourself of your why. Convince yourself that going back isn’t an option and the only way forward is by keeping to this book and working hard.
You’re never truly done.
Celebrate major accomplishments, cross things off with a smile. You’re making progress! It’s important to recognize that!
When you run out of pages, celebrate by getting another book and christen it with a new name!
Be sober more. Don’t make excuses for yourself, don’t attempt to escape reality. In order to accomplish this transition you must have a deeply rooted understanding of what is real and what you’re capable of.
Love yourself! Be your greatest advocate, fight for what you believe in and defend this book. Be open to change and alteration of your goals. If something doesn’t feel right, change it.
As I mentioned before leave extra space after your goals and principles. If you change your mind on the goals you want to accomplish, don’t erase or tear out the page. Put an X on the page and write your new plan on the blank pages you gave yourself. Try not to do this too often, because your time is valuable and you want to be working productively towards the right goal.
Learn to be okay with being alone. This one is a tough one, but very important. Throughout your life there will be many times where you feel very alone. Recognizing that this is okay and only temporary will help you not fall into a deep sadness. Know your fears, encourage your hopes, and try to be in control of your emotions. Learn when it’s okay to be sad and when you should be happy. Never suppress your emotions, just try your hardest to understand why you are feeling them. Here’s a poem I wrote on this idea:
Alone is Okay
Where in the world do you find yourself now?
As you look up and down, left and right.
You're alone, but not afraid.
Worn, but not tattered.
You wait for a message, a response to your call.
You get it ... it's you ... and you hear, "Hello?"
And that's when you realize,
it's just you.
Nobody's here to help.
And that's okay.
Understand that it is going to be a lot of work. Life is not easy. Embrace the challenge and push forward into the darkness. You are the leader of your life, don’t follow anyone. You may lead with people, but never let anyone control your path. You can do this.
I finally made it! Four years of struggling: working throughout my degree, numerous extracurriculars from Orientation to founding my Fraternity, every summer taking extra courses to get ahead, fighting doubt and fear to prove to myself that I can do whatever I set my mind to. Never have I been more challenged, shaken to the core, and burnt out than I was every successive quarter at Cal Poly. Week 8 of 10 usually marked the break-down week, where all odds seemed against me. Where passing was going to rely on sheer will power to complete all final projects on time and to the specifications, not to mention passing all final exams as well. As mentioned in my rambly For What it’s Worth post, I could not be more grateful for the opportunities this place has given me. I made many lasting relationships, forged many new unbreakable habits, and truly got what I was looking for: a directive. Go out into the world and make a name for myself in AI and government, help people understand and appreciate the great technological feats that are happening every day. OSTP here I come, but first the tech industry.
Now that my time at university is complete, I must summon my worn, battle-hardened mind from the depths of my person. It must be revived, reborn, and re-motivated. For so long I thought of only, “How am I going to get myself through college?” Now I must think, “How am I going to ensure I make it through life, healthy, happy, loved, and most importantly self-determined?” I lived without any of those feelings for most of my final year at college, because I was alone and stuck in my depression. Complacency is not always your choice, but when it takes all that you are away from you, there comes a time where the only question you ask yourself is why am I still around. That’s where I was. It takes strength to find purpose, knowledge to define it, love to turn it into a passion, and dedication to live by it. Holding yourself accountable only works once you’ve defined your purpose, made it your passion, and are willing to fight anything that challenges you. Only then can you truly convince yourself that your life is yours and you’re happy to live it. Until then, Never Stop Trying.
You never know which way your road of life will turn, sometimes it merges with another road, sometimes there’s construction, other times the road forks. The only thing you can do is keep driving and hope you end up where you’re going. Unlike real roads, life has no map of what’s ahead, you’re the map-maker, you get to chose the route. There was a lot of construction on this road, but we always kept pushing forward, until the fork. Thanks for two unforgettable years, Michele.
Frederick W. Panhorst BridgeGlass BeachSpot me.
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