Think Back
For the past couple of weeks I’ve been working to better understand myself, specifically around my conceptualization of what a person is worth. When I was very young, one of my first profound thoughts was, “What is anything worth?”, “How can water be free from a faucet, yet alcohol $100 a bottle?” Of course, back then I had no idea just how tantalizing a great scotch is, nor did I fully appreciate the societal need to get blasted on the reg to cover up pain and internal struggle. Anyway… recently I’ve been revisiting this idea, but honing it specifically on what is a human’s worth. How do we derive value in life? This hasn’t been the first time I’ve dueled with this thought, and I’m sure it won’t be the last. It changes so often over our lives that no single answer is correct, no point in time assessment gives justice to the question.
What my problem is now, is that I’m wrong about what I believe is the answer. Okay, I might not be wrong per se, but I’m not right, at least not completely. Currently, my brain says to myself, “your value is determined upon the utility you bring to this earth”. Essentially, how well you serve yourself and others is how valuable you are. My therapist says this is a dangerous way to value a life exclusively… she’s right. After all, who am I aiming to please? My employer? God? Like, what a silly thought that MY value is actually determined from another’s perspective of me, or my contributions.
Aside
As an aside, one concept that I’ve unfortunately ingrained into my head is that my failures define who I am. On the flip side, for some reason, my successes don’t. Hmm. I think it’s pretty obvious something is wrong about that, probably a couple of things. First, your successes mean something. Second, your failures and successes are not you. You are not your failures nor are you your successes. They are simply something that occurs. You may have caused them, or maybe not, but either way, they are not your personality. They don’t define your being any more than the job you have at the moment. “You’re not your fucking Khakis”. So what are you? What are you worth? What is your worth?
Think
I’ve spoken to a number of my “people” and we’ve gone back and forth between what they think, what I think, and what could be. I’ve learned through these conversations that my current position is not the entire picture I ought to be looking at. What I thought before about the utility of man is maybe just half the equation. I was stuck in an extrinsic-exclusive mentality. Judging one solely on their output pays no mind to the input, nor the black box of themselves much at all. Shit, I might as well have only been looking at a third of the equation. So what about the inputs and black box then? How do we grade those to get a fuller picture of an individual’s value?
Behind door number 1, the inputs. I read a quote recently from a lovely book (review landing shortly). “People who have experienced deep suffering and are still gentle with others do not get enough credit”. Some people have it so damn easy in life, and they treat people like shit, or output nothing of great utility. Others will endure the most horrendous hardships, be born with debilitating ailments, be disadvantaged beyond comprehension, yet still achieve fantastic outcomes in life. I mean, some of the greatest people in our generation have been disadvantaged with poverty, abuse, or disability, yet still deliver undeniable beauty in art, sport, engineering or business. Doesn’t that stand for something? Shouldn’t that mean something in terms of their value? I’d wager it means their worth is even greater. To start from negative and go to positive? That’s value. It’s not easy to measure, but it could possibly be named: Determination? Will-power? Something like that, I guess. The end to end change one creates in themselves and others cannot be overlooked. What should we call this derivative of a person’s life, the change in value? I’d rather not get all mathematician up in here and give it an exponent, but rather choose a name. Growth?
What about door number 2? The black box, what’s behind door number 2? A BRAND NEW CAR!!! No. It’s actually better. It’s the machine behind the curtain, the motive behind the man. It’s the drive. The love, passion, curiosity, and wholesomeness of the person. Can you tell by talking to somebody for a few minutes whether or not they have a golden soul? Maybe you can tell within a few breaths. You watch someone as they yield right of way on the road to a pedestrian, give up their seat on the tram to the pregnant woman or elderly. Manners maketh man, but I’m not just talking about manners. I’m talking about the pureness of one’s self. Are you a good person? I’d like to think most people would say yes to that question. But how good of a person are you? Have you wronged others before, have you made those wrongs right again? Not easy to define objectively, is it? Even harder then inputs and outputs I reckon. Without a doubt, though, there is a spectrum of good and bad people. I don’t really love using the terms good and bad in this context, but simplicity in my heart says those words work just fine. Other words like pure or wholesome just don’t cut it for me right now. TBD on a better word for this spectrum. Intrinsic value may just be it.
Think Forward
Intrinsic value doesn’t require another person’s judgement. It doesn’t rely on what you do or what has happened to you. Each person in this world gets to chose how they are. With actions and words they can show others. But, their internal holiness is untouchable. Immeasurable by most standards. “I’m going to show you how great I am”, Ali said it best. You are great, and it shows, not the other way around. “You get what you get and you don’t throw a fit”, what should I throw instead? Only you decide that. How great are you? How great am I? What’s my value? I’ll throw wisdom, appreciation, love. Because after all is said and done, I choose to be better and to make the world a better place, regardless of what get’s thrown at me.
