Being a Cheerleader
You know what’s one of the most underrated roles of a friend? Being a cheerleader. For my work, I often feel as if I am a professional cheerleader. Many times in the past couple weeks I’ve had friends tell me that I am a good cheerleader. In life, in sport, in business, it’s so important to root your comrades on. I feel like if I wasn’t the general barking command I would be the drummer boy on the line of soldiers in the civil war fighting for the union. Not particularly because of my non-violent, pacifistic persona, but because I take great pride in setting the rhythm of battle for my team, my people. (Probably wouldn’t be the guy with the flag, those dudes always got shot first. Fun fact, when the flag bearer was wounded, it was the duty of the nearest man to drop his weapon and hold the flag up {so that other regimens wouldn’t accidentally fire upon allies.})
I’ve written and spoken on the great impacts of positive reinforcement before in other posts, so I won’t really harp on that note in this one. Instead I want to highlight the methods and impacts.
Grounding to Reality and Pace Marking
First off, being a cheerleader doesn’t mean lying or manufacturing a positive picture of reality for your people to make them feel better. A key element of a good supporter is grounding the supportee in reality. Telling a runner that the finish line is around the corner when they know they’ve got miles to go is plain offensive. Instead, tell them to focus on their cadence, focus on their heart rate, the road ahead. On the flipside, don’t feel the need to remind them that they’ve got a super long way to go. Be real. If they’ve made it their first mile, say so. “One mile down, 25 to go” “Ten miles down, 16 to go!”. Fractionalize it for them, give them the percentage completion, I love a good, “halfway there” or “3 quarters done, keep it up!”. So often, the competitor is not focused on the distance, and need the reminder for their energy pacing.
Recognizing Suffering
If someone is making their way through the challenge they are facing and is obviously suffering, your role as a cheerleader needs to shift. Instead of completion reminders, focus on raw encouragement. Hitting at the fundamentals. Remind them that they are strong. That they have the ability to achieve greatness. That you believe in them and that they should believe in themselves, because they can do it. When someone is struggling, they need to be told that the struggle will end eventually. The classic, “everything will be okay” is a solid example. These empowering reminders will guide them through the darkness they are in to the light of where they will be. Shine the light for them. Do not let them continue on in the dark, for it will erode their ability to continue on further.
Recognizing Underachievement
When to push them harder? It’s tremendously valuable to know when the person you are cheering on has more they can deliver. Perhaps they are holding back a bit and need to be pushed to go harder. This is a fine line. You don’t want to encourage them to overextend themselves, but you do want them to finish the challenge with pride, so they feel like they “left everything out on the field”. This is a lot harder to recognize than the alternative (them being completely spent). It’s risky, something I would honestly only reserve for a coach or person who has developed a strong relationship with the competitor. Only if you truly know that they are not busting their ass should you push them harder. I think this also is more and more acceptable the deeper into the project. Often, you can drive on fumes at the end of the race for a bit longer than the gas tank will indicate.
Celebrate Victory or Honor Defeat
When the race is done, project completed, or hardship overcome, celebrate. Celebrate regardless of the result. So long as the fight was a good one, a celebration is deserved. Of course, the way that the celebration is going to look will be different depending on the result, but positive retrospection is almost always necessary.
In the case that the individual or team accomplished their goal, help them realize the impacts of their achievements. Showcase metrics that tell the story of how they came to be great, and what will come of their greatness. Show them the people they impacted, the good that they did. Remind them of why they did it, and how it will positively affect their future, and the future of others.
In case of failure, celebrate their efforts. Honour their journey, and help them appreciate themselves regardless of the result. Failure is only a step along the journey to success. Often a necessary step. Help them to see this less as a failure, and more as an intermediate step to inevitable success in the future. Encourage them to not give up. Provide support to them as they are undoubtedly weak from their trials. Identify and help them understand the particular reasons for their inability to achieve their goals. Make a plan for them to work on those weaknesses when they have recovered. If they gave up before they should have, it’s usually because they lost confidence. It’s your opportunity to instill that confidence back into them. Build them back up whatever way you can, usually by allowing them to succeed in small ways again.
Cheerlead Yourself
This person or team that you are cheerleading doesn’t have to be someone else. It can, and should, be you as well. Be your own cheerleader. As funky as that may sound, cheer yourself on as you would a friend. Remind yourself that you are great, and that you have everything it takes to achieve your goals. You deserve the effort just as much, if not more, than others. Don’t forget that.