Early Spring ends with a glimpse of what the future can hold. Warmth, but just for a moment. The skies aren’t finished seeding the ground with growth potential. The storms roll back in, not always will it rain, but often clouds will cover the blue sky yearning to break through. This year, the Spring seems to drag on. Welcome? Uncertain. Necessary? Likely. Difficult? Without a doubt.
First Songs of the Season
Clouds roll back in, the sun is blocked once again, shadows dissolve on the ground. Plants hold for a moment as the promise of sun seems to be in question. Perhaps some eager life is caught just a centimeter above the earth. Thirsting for a chance to grow into something great. They must be patient, for this Spring will be a Long and Winding Road. “The wild and windy night, that the rain washed away, has left a pool full of tears”, “Many times I’ve been alone and many times I’ve cried, Anyway, you’ll never know the many ways I’ve tried.” The grey clouds darken the day, soften the colours. The headwinds are blowing strong, pushing me in directions I know not to go. My heart is strong, my legs are weak. “But still they lead me back to the long winding road.”
Along the long and winding road, I look around to find camaraderie. I begin to see others on the path. I’m not alone on this Journey, yet, I feel lonely. A deep pit in my stomach is felt, as I look to my fellow travelers. “Ah, look at all the lonely people. Where do they all belong?”.
Second Songs of the Season
Of course, the clouds get darker and darker along the road and eventually begin to pour their hearts out onto all the weary, lonely travelers. Some seek cover to wait out the storm, others speed up hoping they can beat the storm. I stop under the rain for a moment to soak in the reality of the situation, then continue forward under the blackened skies, “we shine brighter in the dark”. I reach out to others also pushing through the rain. Even though we are both equally drenched, “I cannot explain the feeling of alone, the loneliness”. I’m reminded this Journey, however unique it feels, is not. These people I share this Journey with are all experiencing similar challenges. Some have been on this path for much longer than I. As much as I wish to help them along, I need to take care of myself first.
Lightening strikes and in a moment of brief panic I slip and fall. I’m only on the ground for a moment, but the moment has left me injured. Wounded and pained, I arise to assess the damages. Minor, yet plenty bad to set me back on my Journey. Worst of all, I look ahead and to my bewilderment, the road seems to be getting more and more challenging, ahead is a wall. Others have given up here and are resting on the wall, a few have turned around and given up. Not me. “Well, climbin’ over that wall. I remember, yes, I remember, yes, I remember it all. Swear the height be too tall, so like September I fall.” No. I will not give up on me. Up and over I go. My body still pained from the two falls, I patch myself up and move forward again knowing I can overcome challenges even after failure, even whilst pained. “Self-care, I’m treatin’ me right. Hell yeah, we gonna be alright.”
Third Songs of the Season
With a bit of confidence I march forward. Embracing the storm now, I step with purpose. Each step seems to echo the last. ow many steps have I already taken? I look back for a glimpse at the winding path behind me. Not sure what I expected to see, but what shows is not it. All I see at footprints, the path is obscured by the downpour. All I see are the echoes. “It’s the echoes that I wait for. It’s the echoes on the return.”, “Ridin’ through the thunder, Tryna see the summer.”. I don’t think twice, I turn back around, take a deep breath and continue my march. “Breakin’ through the echoes. Breathin’ through the echoes.”
The echoes continue. Every step I take they reverberate through my body and mind. I can’t shake them. The echoes have me questioning. Is the path I’m taking the right one? I want to believe in myself, trust myself. “One of one, I’m in the zone right now. Tell me, am I still?” While still moving forward with an ounce of doubt I search for and find a few people to give me guidance. “you’ve been fightin’ for your shot, And you’ve been searchin’ for your spot. Oh, you think you got your groove. But you want someone like you.” The echoes continue, “I’m lookin’ at her, when her startin’ to turn to you. Now you startin’ to fuck up my mind, is it you, is it her?”.
Last Song of the Season
All of a sudden the storm breaks for a moment. Wet and tired from the constant echoes I pray this storm has passed. Well, no point in stopping for a break now, let’s take advantage of the moment. “I’m just onto the next thing.” It’s due time I keep time and thus keep track of progress. I’ve looked back and seen darkness. I start seriously documenting this long and winding road. It helps me stay focused on the goal. “New mind state in a new spot. Fuck a TikTok, bought a new watch.” Progress is undeniable now, I’m doing well. This Spring is long, but I know the positive results of the hard work will come. I hope. I don’t really know, but I dream. Success isn’t guaranteed, so I guess I’ll need to continue forward with whatever doubt remains, and prove it to myself. “Am I killing it or am I losing it?”