What does it mean to be a friend?
Not often do I get tripped up by specific words. ‘Friend’ happens to be one of those. I mean, what is a friend anyway? What’s the point? Someone to commiserate with whist navigating the oceans of life? A helping hand to lend a compass or map when you lose your way? A person to guide the path in the darkness of night and it’s a new moon? Someone to rescue you when the waves get choppy and you capsize?
All these things. An ally, a mentor, a lifeline. Friends serve a great purpose in one’s life. To go without friends is to play life on hard mode. Life’s hard enough, why choose to make it any harder on yourself going it alone?
There is no shame in getting help
Arnold once said, “there is no such thing as a self made man”. Each and every one of us has taken advantage of the support of another at some point in our lives. To say you haven’t is a lie. There’s no shame in getting help from another person.
Can you love a friend?
I used to think ‘love’ was a term that is reserved for a significant other. My definition of love was to put another above yourself. That may not be the best definition, I’m sure mirriam webster would have something to say about it. In fact, let’s find out. — They’ve got two definitions that sound pretty fair: “strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties” and “warm attachment, enthusiasm, or devotion”. I don’t know about you, but those both sound like they can be attributed to friends as well as lovers. So then why is saying I love you to a friend feel odd? Or is that just me?
Friends stick together
You know what I find kind of funny? After speaking with many friends on the matter, it seems like a lot of people can come and go in your life, but friends are often the people who stick around longest. Friends and Family, right? Too bad I don’t really feel like I have a great amount of either of those. What the fucks the matter with me?
It’s getting old
Not sure if it’s toxic masculinity or my autism but I’ve chosen a life of most resistance. I’ve unintentionally distanced myself from family, and more or less refused to build many friendships. Living life on hard mode is getting really fucking old. I’m tired grandpa. Keep digging!
Let’s go get some friends James, but first, it might be a good idea to figure out what sort of people can even be your friend. What traits made a good friend for you? What do you need to do in order to gladly accept the friendship and help it grow?
What does it mean to be my friend?
The criteria for a friend of mine are ‘simple’. Be a good person, be passionate about something important, be curious about learning, and enjoy doing things that I enjoy doing. That’s pretty much it, I think. Shouldn’t be so hard finding those people right? Eh.
Making Friends
Let’s think about how to do it. Perhaps, do things that you enjoy, engage with the people around you, make a connection and begin a dialog? Shit, why does that sound exactly like the plot to dating? For some reason though, it sounds easier than dating. Hmm. Perhaps because I don’t want to fuck my friends, like some people do?
Keeping Friends
Well if that job description is simple enough, and the recruitment process is straightforward, where are all the new hires? Oh, there’s actually more to it? I need to develop the relationship? How the hell am I supposed to do that? Something something give and take, something something reasonable expectations, something something understanding we all are living our own lives. Am I sociopathic? Is it really all just quid pro quo? Or is there a piece of it I’m missing? Do others expect something from me just as I expect something from them? I can imagine some people expect nothing more than presence, whereas some might be more demanding. I think I prefer those who are less demanding. Can we all just be chill, please?
Also what if I have to fire one of my friends because they aren’t being chill? Jesus does that sounds not fun. How many friends can I even manage? No fucking clue. Guess it depends on how much time they request of me. Balance will be key, huh. I’m a low key dude and I need some low key friends, high key. I’m definitely overthinking this.
Letting them in
One last thought though, how much do I let them know of me? I can be a lot. I don’t what them quitting on me, or firing me. Is it something that just gets sorted out? Like, buddy, it’s your 30day review and you’ve hung out with me once and that’s just not cutting it, sooo… you’re fired. Yeah I think I’m a sociopath forsure. I mean, who the fuck thinks of friendships like this?
Only one way to find out
Whatever, I’m overcomplicating it, go figure. Probably best to just follow the old Alma Mater motto, learn by doing. I’ll keep these concepts in mind, but there really is no better way to figure shit out then by trying and failing many times over huh?
Lastly, who the fuck would want to be my friend anyway? Presumably someone just as fucked up as me. They exist… probably. Just gotta go find them. Should I make flyers? Help Wanted: A Friend for James
