What does it mean to be a kid?
Little League
I sit here watching the beginnings of a baseball game, Little League. I’m watching these two teams on either side of the field playing catch. One team in red tossing in left field with two different lines of players throwing balls back and forth. The other team in green out in right field. By the looks of it, the red team’s gonna win this one. The only reason I say that is because most of them are already here before the game. But they also just look a little bigger, perhaps a little bit more talented. More put together. Something tells me the red team is gonna come out on top today. But who knows? I really haven’t a clue.
Talented Youth
I noticed something else that’s interesting about the red team in particular. Some of those players seem better than their own teammates. I recall being a soccer referee back in my later teen years in Fresno and I remember being able to identify star players pretty quickly. Some 12 year old would score his 4th goal of the game via bicycle kick and I’d think to myself, “yeah, that kid’s probably gonna go pro.” I wonder what it must feel like to be so talented in a particular sport as a child. How did that come to be? There’s not all that much time that you have to hone your craft, so is it just some natural ability? Must be God-given, or genetics? Or, you know, maybe they really have been working at it since they were a toddler. The usual *pops played ball and now so will you, son*. That relationship gets me thinking again, what does it even mean to be a kid? What’s the point, what’s the purpose, the collective objective? How does it differ from an adult? Obviously there’s age, wisdom, height, weight, all the basics. Yeah sure, you’re gonna grow bigger and you’re gonna grow smarter. But beyond that, what does it mean?
Responsibility
The first thing I jump to is responsibility. These kids just don’t have the same responsibilities as I do. They don’t have to pay bills, they don’t have to worry about most of the things that adults have to worry about. There’s less risk. Less stress. On the flip side, there’s undeniably more growth. There’s that old saying, “you can’t teach an old dog new tricks”. As much as I disagree with that statement there is some truth to the matter. The older you get, the harder it is to grow. Maybe the harder it is to learn? Most people have already formulated themselves. There’s another saying that you can’t change a person when you get into a relationship. I think there’s also merit to that in the same sense. As an adult you really are mostly formed. Some adults are more formed than others, more rigidly defined, less capable of learning and growth. When you tell them that they’re wrong they don’t believe you. They know they’re right even when they might be wrong. I’ve worked really hard in my life to not be that type of adult. When somebody tells me something that I don’t believe or I’m uncertain of, to not just immediately think that they’re the one that’s wrong. Funny enough, that was a big part of me when I was a kid. I was the same way, so sure of myself. There’s going to be a post coming out about self-assurance and the importance of believing in yourself, but it’s also very important to have some doubt. To admit that you don’t know what you don’t know.
Opportunity
I miss being a kid sometimes. There’s a lot of opportunity in childhood. I’ve spent quite a bit of time around teachers in my life, both as a student and as a passive observer of their practice. Whether it was through my mom or various lovers in the past. I’ve been conditioned to believe there’s something very special about learning. Being eager to learn matters a lot. Eager to seize on the opportunity of growth. Maybe that’s what sets some of these kids apart from each other. Not only do they showcase different levels of eagerness, but also, in what.
Ground Balls to Third
Now as I sit here watching the red team take ground balls from third base, I realize with every ground ball hit to them there’s an opportunity to learn. Depending on how the ball bounces and rolls their way, each player needs to adapt. This practice of practice requires a bit of trial and error. I suppose I’m coming to appreciate that practice of learning more. Like, learning is trying over and over, success and failure, missing the ground ball and having it roll out to left field. Realizing that maybe I could have taken a step in either direction to get my body in front of the ball. Next time the ball comes rolling in that direction, in that way, with that speed, I’ll know better. That’s what it’s all about, right? Trial and error? Trial and error until you succeed? Then maybe it’s trial and success and trial and success until it’s trial and error again. Not always is the solution universal, rarely is what you believe to be the right answer going to be the right answer forever.
Reinforcement.
You wanna reinforce success positively, you wanna get those atta boys. Those kudos. As human beings there is nothing more important than reinforcing each other’s growth, especially in childhood. Because like I mentioned before, adults have already been pretty well formed. Childhood is the time in which you have the greatest opportunity to grow and thus have the greatest incentive to reinforce. I’ve thought about this recently a lot when it comes to what I’ve learned in my time. I’ve noticed there was a worrying trend in my upbringing where I feel that the ratio between positive and negative reinforcement was not balanced. Feels like I’ve got most of my learning through negative reinforcement and not positive; because of that I live with more fear than hope sometimes.
Fly Balls to Left-Field
The players are taking fly balls now. The coach lets the kid stay in the spot if they miss the catch, until they make it (which usually is on the next pop-fly.) Once again, I just never realized how important it is to reinforce each other. I’ve been making a lot more friends lately and I’ve noticed that there’s really great opportunities all around to reinforce one another. As adults, we don’t do enough for each other in that way. We owe it to each other to help one another grow. So in that way, we’re not all that different from kids. We all have great opportunities to grow, I just think that kids take those opportunities more often. People expect them to. People don’t expect adults to take those same opportunities. At least, that’s what it feels like to me, I could be wrong.
Self-Reinforcement
Childhood seems less lonely than adulthood. I don’t know if that’s just my experience. But as it relates to growth sometimes it’s hard as an individual to reinforce your own self positively or negatively. Maybe there’s less value in self-reinforcement? I don’t know. There’s something there. Either way, I think it’s important to recognize that adults and kids are not always so different at the end of the day. We’re all doing our best, trying to improve.
Friendly Reinforcement
Another element of childhood and adulthood that I think is fundamentally different is the creation of friends. As a kid I felt like I was friends with whomever I was around. There was just so many more instances in which I was around people, whether it was through school or sport. As an adult there’s so much less of that. You have to be more purposeful, dedicated and directed when building a community as an adult. I’m not sure if that’s just the byproduct of a society that has devalued hardy in-person community. At the end of the day, it’s up to us as individuals to cultivate those relationships ourselves. Encouraging each other to be present in the moment and shit. Take care of each other, ja feel? Friends are so important when it comes to that reinforcement, that learning and growth. They challenge you to be better, they make jest of instances in which you fail (negatively reinforcing in a healthy way). When the team wins together they grow together. When they lose together they grow together. We learn as people best together. Society reinforces society, we are social creatures after all.
Vulnerability
Vulnerability is important here too. As a child you have great vulnerability and I think that vulnerability is good for the soul. It means you’re malleable. In order to learn you need to be vulnerable. It’s not enough to want to change, you need to be able to. You need to be able to grow in order to grow. And in order to be able to grow you need to be vulnerable.
Role Models
Another thing that matters a lot is looking up to people who are older than you. Wiser. Having mentors and aspirational people in your life that give you something to look forward to. Role models. I don’t think that adults often enough consider their role models. Recently, I was talking to a couple of friends about whether or not they have friends that are much older than them (ten years or more.) No one said that they did. I think that’s a shame, because those people can be your role models. I’ve had a bunch of really great managers in my career that have been role models for me and I’ve learned so much from them. I’ve been vulnerable with them and they’ve taught me things that I would have never learned otherwise. So why don’t we do that in social facilities as well? Why do I feel awkward making friends with a 50 year old? There’s no reason for that. If anything I should be seeking out relationships with older people so that they can give me the insights they’ve gained over their time. It’s a treasure trove. We shouldn’t just hang out with the people that are like us. We shouldn’t just spend time with those of the same age group. Yeah if you’re interested in finding a long term romantic relationship, it’s probably a good idea to stick within a specific age range. But friendships? Friendships are completely different. I think we all should be seeking out friendships with people who are very different from ourselves. Those are the people that give you the greatest opportunity to learn. Face it, it’s hard to learn from those who are just like you.
Game Time
Welp, it looks like the game is about to get begin. Red team’s taking the field. Looks like green is up to bat. I still got my money on red, but we’ll see how it all shakes out. I won’t be here to find out, I’m actually gonna go for a ride. I have more to think about and I don’t do my thinking so well when I’m staying in place.
